J for Judge

Posted on by Parul Thakur
A quote by Mother Teresa
A quote by Mother Teresa

What was she wearing today? 

She is clever, knows how to get things done. I’m not like her. 

What’s with her? No kids, no husband, a relaxed life and can party any time she wants. She is not like us with so many responsibilities.

Do these sentences remind you of something? Most women talk about other women as if they are already at loggerheads. They judge and they form opinions based on their perceptions but not on their experiences. How many times have you seen one women encouraging the other? How many times have you experienced being bullied by another woman? How many times have you noticed that you don’t know anything about the woman who sits right next to you? The answer to these questions is leading to just one thing – women are hard to please and more so if the person in question is another woman.

Getting into reasons is not the point today but I do know that if women support women we can achieve anything. When we judge someone else, we create a negative perception. This negative perception flows from one person to the other and most of the times, it even it’s true. The result, you lose a chance to know and learn from another woman and miss out a chance to have someone else watch your back. Women need other women and it is possible only if we stay positive and non-judgmental towards those we meet. Of course, we cannot like or be friends with each and every other person but what’s the harm in making your own circle of people where each would appreciate and encourage the other. To, me that sounds like a plan!

As a woman, I make a conscious effort to not judge another woman. Whether I like her or not, I will not be biased towards any of her preferences. If not much, this is something that will help me be a better human being and I would love you to try that too.

I am blogging from A to Z during April (#425 on the list) and the theme I have chosen is set on women. Some of the posts will be here for you to know and some will be to reflect and accept. Share your thoughts and let me know how things are going. There is always a room for improvement. 

61 thoughts on “J for Judge”

  1. I read an article once (long ago, don’t remember who wrote it or where I saw it) basically saying that the reason we have industries dedicated to making women paranoid about their looks is because if we didn’t have shame and judgement to focus on, we’d be a force that would change the world. I actually think they’re not that far off.

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  2. If only more people would follow your advise… Don’t judge! It would make everybody’s life much happier. All the energy that get used in judging or thinking about being judged could bemused for much better things! Thanks for this beautiful blog!

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  5. I reckon in general, women are judged. By men, by other women, by society in general. And you’re damned if you, damned if you don’t. One way of overthrowing the patriarchy is by supporting each other and not judging. Imagine what the world would be like without any judgements??

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  8. The second post I read on J for judgement. Something I detest most is judgmental people, I have never been into this gossiping lady-things, talking behind others backs. Hate it, its so mean. – so hallelujah- I couldnt agree more to your words!!

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  9. I agree wholeheartedly. You never know someone’s circumstances. I try to turn off my “judging eye” as I realize it mostly happens when I’m dissatisfied with myself, and trying to look for flaws in others so I don’t feel so self-ostracized from my expectations. But… it is very hard to do!

    Alex Hurst, A Fantasy Author in Kyoto
    A-Z Blogging in April Participant

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  10. I’m with Sundari, the human race in general is judgemental, nothing to do with gender. I have some awesome girlfriends and they rock. A lot of my colleagues at work are women and they rock too.

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  12. I can never understand why most women are judgmental. of course there are men too like this but women are quick to put down other women. I make a conscious effort to not judge people. If someone doesn’t want to marry, or they don’t want a child after marriage, or a woman wants to sit at home after marriage, or some woman wants to leave her child in daycare and join work, some don’t like cooking and prefer eating outside-it’s none of my business. Everyone here is trying to survive, fighting their own battles and the least we can do is not judge, not criticize. Just let them be. Loved this post 🙂

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  16. I found your blog based on comments you made on a friend’s, Brits in the US, and am enjoying your posts. Women seem to be conditioned to judge themselves and it can be a hard habit to break. Once you learn to love yourself for who you are, the love you show to others opens wide to embrace people fro who they are. And you find that embracing diversity enhances your life. Thanks for sharing!

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  21. Such a sensible post Parul. Over the years I have learnt to be less and less judgmental. Yet it is such a subconscious thing that we start to create impressions about people based on what they wear or how they talk or how they behave. Often it our own complexes and backgrounds that shape the impression. However if we become conscious of it we can catch ourselves out. It’s rather hard though.

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  25. Women are judged harshly whether by other women, men or by even themselves.
    Your post describes this really well.
    Men may be judged too, just for different things altogether and perhaps not as harshly.
    Really good one Parul. Enjoyed reading it.:) and all the comments.

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  27. Nice post..good read on monday morning 🙂 Being judgemental is something that needs to be avoided by women, and men too. We need to come out of our prejudices and stop judging others. We can never understand the situation of anyone else, from our standpoint.

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  30. It is so true that women are often harsh in judging other women. A working woman judges a home maker, a homemaker comments on the over- ambitiousness of a working woman….examples galore. When we judge someone, we are being less tolerant and inclusive. A thoughtprovoking post

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  32. Passing judgements is a common trait in all of us. What we need to realize is that how hard it is to be judged and how selfish it looks to judge someone without knowing the entire story. Women face the most brunt of it because one judgement links to another to another until it reaches the character of the said person. This is wrong and something we all need to consciously work upon. Thanks for sharing !

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