D for Domestic Violence

Posted on by Parul Thakur

If you thought only women face domestic violence then that’s not true. If you thought, only India battles with the issue of protecting women from their intimate partners, then also it’s not true.

Picture Credits - Blue Stone Magazine
Picture Credits – Blue Stone Magazine

This is 21st century and women have changed. Yet, there are women who think it is justified if her husband beats her up. And yes, I am talking of women around us – those who work with us, those who we know personally or are familiar with.

Some come forward and want to act upon it but some choose to stay silent and bear all every single day. Domestic Violence is never justified but those who turn violent name it as not following the culture, tradition or religion, dressing inappropriately, challenging men/elders, not bringing enough dowry and many more such reasons.

I lost someone close to me who was abused mentally and maybe physically so I do understand how it breaks down a woman if she chooses to stay quiet about the violence inflicted on her. There is a first time blow by an intimate partner which many women perceive as unbelievable but then the further blows shatter her self-confidence, her self-respect and drain her out emotionally. Domestic violence is not just physical and hence it leads to depression, suicidal tendencies and other mental troubles. It is not something any women should accept at any cost.

Domestic violence shatters the very spirit of a family and I cannot even imagine the impact on young children who are witness to violence on their mothers. Report if you are facing this, talk about it if you feel threatened at home, and walk out if the man who should be your better half is becoming your worse half. Offenders can be stopped only if women show the courage to stand up against any form of violence. Letting the offender abuse you in any form means firming up his belief of being superior than you but if you choose to walk out, he will lose this battle of power forever.

Cupid’s favorite colors are not black and blue.

I am blogging from A to Z during April (#477 on the list) and the theme I have chosen is set on women. Some of the posts will be here for you to know and some will be to reflect and accept. Share your thoughts and let me know how things are going. There is always a room for improvement. 

88 thoughts on “D for Domestic Violence”

  2. While I agree with domestic violence breaking down a family, a woman can also abuse a man. I wish you had mentioned both perspectives, not just mention the woman as a victim of this violence.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I am participating in A2Z and I have chosen my theme as women. That’s the reason I have not written about men. I have also mentioned that as the opening sentence of this post. But I know I need to and that’s on my list..

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  3. I loved your choice of photo to go with this post, Parul and also your opening line *If you thought only women face domestic violence then that’s not true. If you thought, only India battles with the issue of protecting women from their intimate partners, then also it’s not true. I am sorry for your loss. You are doing a great job spreading awareness. 🙂
    *Shantala @ ShanayaTales*

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  5. Thanks for bringing this topic up in your A TO Z series. I have always wondered as to how a sane human being can actually hit his own wife and justify it by saying that he has the right on her and can do anything. Just a horrible way of showing who is the boss. A truly patriarchal mindset.

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      1. Interestingly such is the case in a lot many other societies as well. And life goes on without a care in the world.

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  7. Great topic Parul. I think the important message here is that it is not always visible. Several times, DV is not even physical but emotional and sexual. We can’t see that. We can’t see the bruises. But partners can withhold information, keep a tight rein, check messages, withhold money, cut off ties from friends…all leading to emotional abuse. Here in Aus, we have had 2 women dying each week in 2015 at the hands a of a partner.

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  9. This is a pressing subject almost everywhere around the world. There are laws protecting the women in our homes and everywhere else. But, then, what about the misuse of the laws? Its not uncommon to hear that the wife has filed a complaint against her husband and in laws to spite them and see them harassed. Thats domestic violence too, from where I see. Would you not agree?

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  10. Many women do think it is acceptable to be beaten up or emotionally abused too. Again.. its definitly a lack of awareness of our women folks. I just want them to open their eyes and see the truth.

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  11. From what my mother tells me, in her times, the girls were raised and wed off with the notion of ‘pati parmeshwar’ concept. There was almost no support from their parents’ side after marriage so they bore whatever used to come their way silently accepting as destiny. However, the painful part is that the present is not much different from the past. But the light is in people talking about domestic violence in public spaces so that the victims know that they are not alone in their sufferings and there are ways out of it.

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    1. Yes, I have heard all that and I do hear that today too..I hate the concept of Kanyadaan and that logic which says that husband’s house is wife’s house till she dies. I don’t agree to that and my parents never told me that. They said – we are your parents till we are alive..and this house is yours forever..

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  13. Great post Parul! You are right. No one should suffer in silence when they face domestic violence. And witnessing this can be such a bad influence on children. They might go to depression or even worse, think this is how women should be treated!!
    Loved your choice of pic for the post 🙂

    Double Jeopardy

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  14. I am horrified to think that some women believe that violence towards them is justified, I am lost for words. But I do love that Cupid’s favourite colours are not black and blue.

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  15. I am liking your selection of topics.
    I have seen my cook getting burned mentally under the darkness of domestic violence.
    She never showed up, just kept smiling.
    It was so painful for me to hear her story when she opened up one day.
    Just read the recent incident with the bollywood actress Rati Agnihotri. It took her so many years to come out and file a police complaint against her husband.
    Why we women silently keep suffering such brutalities?

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    1. Thank you Swati. I’m happy that the topics are resonating with your thoughts.
      Yes, so many women are abused mentally and physically within the four walls of the house that we can’t even keep a count 😦

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  16. Domestic violence is the burning issue happening all over the world, as rightly put not just in India….. it is a sad fact and most of the women do not want to move out of the relationship because of kids in their lives, recently I met a young girl married at 18 and been in an abusive relationship for 10 years and still not comfortable to move out as she does not want to be labeled as a divorcee, another lady I encountered is married for more than two decades and prefers to live with violence because her family and “others” may not want the family to break up as “according to them they are perfect couple” …. it is a sad state of affairs and unless women become aware and make their own decision, nobody can help… thank you for sharing ..

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    1. Well said! Unless women want to help themselves, no one can help them. I also know of many women who were putting up to violence due to children and family name. What they don’t realize is that a man abusing his wife is even bigger shame to the family..

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  18. True Parul, domestic violence is not always physical. I agree with what you say. However, one other reason why most women put up with it is because they aren’t financially independent. It’s so very important for women to have a menas of livelihood. Then they will have the courage to walk out of abuse relationships easily.

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  19. Wow! Great read about a theme personally very close to me. Was very emotional now. Thanks for sharing about a very important theme. All who suspect domestic violence should not be silent.. Hugs

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  21. Its equally criminal to quietly go through abuse without doing anything to stop it. You’ve chosen a very sensitive issue to write about today. Hope it makes us reflect deeper on these issues that plague us day in and day out.

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  22. A man who hits a woman is not to be trusted at all. If he is allowed to get away with physical abuse even once, there is a strong possibility that he will repeat it with more intensity next time. Speaking up is the right thing to do, don’t be afraid. Strong theme for #AtoZchallenge, keep it up.

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  24. It’s so difficult to read about. I live in the USA and domestic abuse is a big issue. As a parent, I would do everything I could to protect my daughter and have raised my sons to respect women. I wish strength to the women caught in such impossible situations who have no one to turn to.

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  26. As someone who knows first hand the intimacy of mental abuse and manipulation, this message can’t be said enough. I always tell people you have to have good friends and you have to talk to them about your personal relationships. And if the person you’re with tries to stymie those relationships, that’s a sure sign there’s something he/she doesn’t want you talking about. Thanks for your theme! We need more empowerment!

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  27. Excellent topic! I was an abused wife. I NEVER thought I would get out of that marriage. I am very happy and blessed to say that I did break free and even though I am still sorting myself out 20 years later I am glad I was able to leave. I am grateful and pray for those who need the strength and courage to be able to do the same.

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  28. To say no to abuse, we must know that no one has the right to be treated with respect and love. Sadly, many parents teach their girls to adjust in marriage. They won’t teach her how to stand up for herself and when to say no. Imagine one day with no abuse, how dreamy it is. We won’t reach there if we fail to teach our kids to stand up for themselves. Then again the increased divorce rates are blamed upon the females for standing up for themselves and saying no to abuse, which translates into the financial security of modern day carrier woman has made her so arrogant that she won’t adjust anymore. How pathetic! Well written post, Parul.

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  29. Hi Parul – it must be so difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is abusing you – I admire all of those who make the break .. it must be so exceedingly nerve-wracking, or as you say dangerous to follow through. We all need to practise empathy and caring … excellent post – Hilary

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  30. Loved all your posts Parul. I too lost a friend to Domestic Violence. This is really sad, but you have chosen the theme well. All the issues need to be given attention and should not lose visibility.

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  31. Strong and Powerful post! That is one big issue that needs to be addressed esp in a country like ours. I had spoken about a similar issue in the C word for this Challenge the other day. Do have a look at my blog too when you have time. Btw If you are wondering who I am, then I am the same person who shares the birthday with you! 😉

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  32. DV is such a sad reality for so many women. Recently, an acquaintance walked out of her marriage of 19 years because of the abuse and nobody ever knew about it. They appeared such a nice regular couple. Imagine, losing 20 years of our life to misery and abuse. DV must truly end and women must not tolerate it silently, ever!

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  34. So agree Parul, I have seen this up close with someone very close to me and I can tell you the pain and helplessness one goes through if one chooses to keep quite. Nice written and strong thoughts.

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  35. A note to HopingonHope: violent acts are also perpetrated upon men for sure; however, most of the abuse and violence against women are by men, hands down. And Parul is right on the mark with her reporting of this post. Keep it up Parul as you are doing a great job and hopefully a great service in spreading awareness. 🙂 BTW, I love the last line, “Cupid’s favorite colors are not black and blue.” However, I would hope it is pink as red is also the colour of blood, often spilled at the hands of men…. 😉

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    1. Hey Elly – Really love your support and encouragement. I am feeling so blessed with so many coming ahead and sharing their thoughts that my first A2Z is going to be a memorable one! Happy Easter! And will see you tomorrow with letter E 🙂

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  36. Very serious topics this month! Domestic violence is a serious thing. Having witnessed some, I know I would leave a person, no matter what, at even the first sign of violence. I simply can’t have that in my life.

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    1. Yes Alex – coming to think of it, I feel I have chosen the serious ones and imagine this is my first time! But now there can’t be looking back..
      I agree with you – Even I would never accept it!

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  37. My maid, totally illiterate was abused by her husband for not preparing breads for him as she was getting late for her work . ( Though vegetable was prepared ) . she did not prepare any meal for him for 4 days till he started talking to her normally .( she was eating but not keeping any thing for him ) May be v small step but women should stand against domestic violence . great topic parul . good

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  38. Sometimes women can’t distinguish that mental abuse is also a kind of domestic abuse. I see few close ones tolerating everything thing just for children. I wonder if that’s really is a helpless situation, or they think it is. One way or other, women need to speak up.

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  40. Such an important post. Women are their own worst enemies. They remain silence, sometimes out of fright but mostly out of love. We are truly complicated. I know women who r goin thru it all in the name of love..

    I hope realization comes soon.

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  41. Sadly, domestic violence is a worldwide issue and comes in many forms. Male, female, physical and verbal (which can be devastating also). Even sadder still when there are children involved. Hopefully, the world will come to be a better place in our lifetimes. Education and counselling are so important in such matters!

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  42. Parul – I’ve recently encountered a case of domestic voilence where it’s the wife bashing the husband. Such a difficult situation. My heart bleeds for all the women who suffer at the hands of the man who is supposed to protect them. The saddest part is when they see now way out.

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  43. Well said, Parul ! Domestic Violence is definitely turning to be a monster for women and if we let the husbands take advantage of that, then we can’t blame anyone else. However hard it may be, standing up to such men and exposing their act is what is necessary.

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